|1-How NOT to Endear


|1-Oneself to a Woman!



       A True story of Love, Romance, and a great big balls up...

This is a tale that has since been recorded in the annals of Grimbarian
legend.  It involves myself, some Guinness, Twenty Schnapps (25% proof),
and an innocent young lass.

It was an ordinary Saturday night (innit always?), I had just been to
the Barge Inn in Grimsby, and we all decided to head down to the
Schnapps Barge* (sounds innocent enough, doesn't it?) which we did.  I
had had one-and-a-half pints of Guinness at the Barge, but I had quite a
thirst on.  I then proceeded to consume TWENTY Passion Schnapps (this
name is NOT APPROPRIATE, believe me!).

Within the confines of the pub, I was perfectly OK, thought processes
and motor capacity all A1.  The pub air sustained me well.  As soon as I
stepped outside, however, I have it on good authority that I STUMBLED
LIKE A BASTARD!  It all gets hazy from here, but this is what I've been
told, and what I have gleened from numerous flashbacks...

My friends were involved in a "Thirty-something"-type group hug, and I
thought (hah!?!) 'I'll have some of that!' and ran towards them and
jumped, intending to land on them, just to piss them off!  However, a
slight miscalculation resulted in my flying over them, and headbutting a
young lady who was simply minding her own business!

If you're reading, Suzanne, I'm sorry!  But she won't be, she doesn't
strike me as a Word reader!

She's dead nice looking as well!  What a shitter!

Ever and Always,


|1-Aladdin Sane


                             (1974 - 199?)


*   I know there are a preponderance of Barges in this story, I don't
    want to give you the idea that Grimsby is all Barges, but that's
    how it went!